


hashtag prequel

by saltysfeathers (saltyfeathers)



Series: hashtag relatable [9]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, M/M, sam repeatedly draws the short straw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 09:39:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4055257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyfeathers/pseuds/saltysfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the one that started it all</p>
<p>also, sam considers alternative career paths with nasa</p>
            </blockquote>





	hashtag prequel

**Author's Note:**

> this series has just... devolved so much lmao. THIS IS THE FISH CAS WAS WARNED AGAINST STEPPING ON WE HAVE GONE BACKWARDS

so the thing about when you get together with someone, like, romantically and shit, is that no memo goes out, as much as dean wishes that were the case. because saying, “hey man, I’m pretty much together forever with this doof of the lord” isn’t always enough to get the point across. Introducing cas as his boyfriend gives him the heebs, but he sounds like an ass if he says, “this is cas and I am in love with him and he means more to me than I could ever adequately explain by making sounds come out of my mouth and also he saved me from hell” so he reigns it in, sucks it up, and says “boyfriend” now.

but before all that soul searching and all those intense talks where dean had to learn that “my friend, cas” and “dude” and “buddy” don’t always translate so well to a romantic relationships, him and cas entered the “sneaking around” portion of their relationship, where they were, for all intents and purposes together, but hadn’t started working on the subject header for the figurative email they were sending out to all relevant parties who might need to know such things. in hunter world, it’s kind of important to know who’s boinking who and then holding hands afterwards, bc nasty things have a bad habit of kidnapping love interests and now both dean and cas’ names are getting added to the list- well, the list of the non-homophobic non-jerkass hunters, at least. but hey, dean doesn’t want to be saved by a jackass anyway. cas has already saved him a million times and currently fills any and all ass-related positions, thanks very much.

so for that first little while, they snuck around like teenagers fumbling for a boob in the back row of a movie theater, and were about as subtle.

It started innocently enough, with sam asking about all the noises coming from dean’s room the last couple weeks.

“nightmares again?” sam asked sympathetically, because dean and cas hadn’t started torturing him with their gross love yet and he still asked dean things sympathetically (sam’s actually taken to carrying a bell around with him in the bunker to announce his presence very LOUDLY at all times, so no repeats of The Laundry Room Incident ever happen again. however, the effectiveness of the bell is only as fruitful as how willing dean and cas are to listen to it. the skinny of it is, sam has seen too many things going into too many of his brother’s orifices to last a lifetime. he’s contemplated just buying a BIGGER bell, but the last thing he needs is his freshly sexed brother greeting him with a cheerful, “hey, samoo”.)

since this was still early days, and dean was still embarrassed about the cock up his ass last night, he practically choked to death on his scrambled eggs as sam watched him with growing concern. (he was less concerned when the eggs dean spit up landed in his hair and also on his own plate of fruit salad).

“yeah,” dean choked out, thumping himself on the chest. “nightmares. real bad. the baddest.”

“The Worst” cas announced as he walked into the kitchen, like the fucker was eavesdropping in the hallway and waiting to make a goddam dramatic entrance because he’s cas and literally the first thing dean ever knew about cas (other than the fact that he pulled him out of hell) was that cas likes making goddam dramatic entrances. BARNS. HEAVY WINDS. SPARKS. maybe in another life cas wore a peacock as a vessel. “so bad, in fact, that I was aroused from my slumber. because dean was so loud. by himself. in his room. alone. and I was in my room. alone. slumbering. aroused. from slumber, I mean.”

sam stared at cas.

“haha wow _buddy_ sounds like you’re _still asleep_ ,” dean said through gritted teeth.

“yes perhaps I am,” cas said, his hair tall. It looked like he got his head stuck in one of those x-treme hand dryers that could make even the most famous hand model self-conscious, “maybe this is all a dream,” and then he turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

sam stared at dean, and dean made an angry mental note to remind cas that maybe for future reference he should fucking come up with words to say before eavesdropping and entering a conversation unannounced instead of expending all possible brain power on choosing the perfect moment to enter.  

“that was weird” sam said thoughtfully as he chewed on a piece of fruit that wasn’t covered in dean’s regurgitated eggs.

“yeah he’s a weird dude,” dean said before practically slamming his face into his plate because he wanted a distraction from this conversation. the fuller his mouth is when he talks, the less likely sam will try to initiate conversation. it’s a tried and true Dean Winchester Method of Emotional Avoidance. he’s considered patenting it.

as expected, sam took his fruit bowl and made a swift exit. dean continued to eat his eggs like his ass didn’t hurt from the dicking cas gave him last night.

***

It probably didn’t take long for sam to realize something was Up. (well, more Up than usual, because it’s not like he’s never noticed the weird vibe whenever he walks in on a deancas conversation iT’S NOT LIKE YOU’RE INTERRUPTING ANYTHING, SAM!!!!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!!!)

the fact that dean and cas are fucking horrible at pretending like nothing is going on is probably also a teeny tiny factor.

For instance, there was the time sam came home way earlier than expected from a bust date and dean and cas were sitting on the couch sans shirts and hair looking… well. pretty debauched. sam generally tries to stay out of cataloguing how debauched any of his family (adopted or not) rates on a debauchery scale at any given time, but this was a little much. it was almost as if there was some kind of big animal in the room with them… with a trunk-like appendage… that maybe they shouldn’t talk about.

Before sam could even open his mouth though, dean blurted, “A/C BROKE ITS HOT IN HERE RIGHT CAS?”

and cas (with erect nipples, mind, so maybe sam wasn’t buying the “too hot” excuse unlESS IT WAS THE OTHER KIND OF HOT) said “yeah” and that was literally that. Sam said “ok” and then left and then made a face as he was walking down the hall because that was weird, right? like, he doesn’t care if two dudes watch tv shirtless together he really doesn’t but he could practically feel the weird tension emanating from that couch he is definitely not making that up.

he contemplates getting a trumpet because that’s what elephants sound like, right?

***

there was the time sam walked into the kitchen and dean was on his knees… in front of cas… and there were sounds… that he heard… with his own two earballs. but he couldn’t really SEE anything. there was only cas’ back and dean’s knees, and when he accidentally walked into the doorframe there was a horrific wet popping sound that sam’s brain refused to categorize as anything other than LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP and then he heard dean yelling loudly, desperately, “KEYS CAS I DROPPED MY KEYS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU HOW OOPSY Of ME” and then sam pretended not to see anything when dean dug his car keys out of his pocket and threw them onto the floor in front of them with a little cheerful jingle.

“FOUND THEM” he yelled, and stood up with a very red face. In the ensuing silence there was the sound of a zipper sllllllowly zipping, and then cas turned around with a poker face to rival a blank index card.

“dean is very clumsy,” cas monotoned. “the clumsiest. his name should be dean clumsychester, frankly.”

“OK THANKS FOR THE COMMENTARY CAS” dean yelled, because he was still yelling like they had all just stuck their heads in the sand and he was the one in charge of describing the sunset. he ran out of the room like his ass was on fire, dragging cas by the sleeve with him, and it was only ten seconds later sam heard “HOW *CLUMSY* OF ME. FUCK.”

sam winchester has contemplated more than once in his relatively short life in the bunker if they indeed got a key for a super secret men of letters lair, or a giant cuckoo clock simply manifesting as one.

***

Sam walked in on dean sucking one of cas’ fingers once. he turned around and walked right back out. maybe cas just spilled something and dean was… cleaning it up… with his tongue…

***

one day dean had something white on his cheek. dean is no stranger to having stuff on his face and not realizing it’s there. usually dean would obnoxiously try to lick whatever it was off his face after sam pointed it out, but on that particular day, he practically sprinted to the nearest mirror and stared in horror at his reflection like he just got freaky Friday’d.

“IT’S SNOWING OUT” he said too loudly. “STRAY FLAKE. Y’KNOW.”

sam blinked.

“dean it’s july.”

***

Sam had to stop pretending eventually. he didn’t want to face the ugly truth, but the ugly truth was just so determined to shove itself in his face.

sam just had to admit that he had walked in on dean and cas doing various sexual deeds so many times over the past months that he could probably be considered an honorary participant at this point. not that he ever spent a heck of a lot of time imagining what cas’ dick looked like, but now he could draw an incredibly detailed sketch from memory, if pressed.

It all came to a (literal) head the day sam walked in on the Second Blowjob (to cas, love dean). sam was sure it was not the second blowjob his brother had ever blown on cas, but it was the second one he’s seen, and he remembers thinking  very distinctly, _either there is zero variance in their sex life, or I’ve walked in enough times to see it all cycle around again_.

he refused to dignify that thought with a response.

but he couldn’t pretend he didn’t see it this time, because math is math and sam had to stare in horror as his big brother’s head bobbed back on forth on cas’ very erect penis.

“this isn’t what it looks like,” cas said, sounding very bored with the lie. obviously dean had been instructing him on the words. the tone, probably not so much.

dean whipped  around fast enough that his jaw knocked cas’ dick out to the side, so as he was turning it hit him square on the cheek on its way back, smearing pre come in a line down his face.

It was hardly subtle.

dean and sam stared at each other, and this was probably the part where sam should run away but he was frozen to the spot. Dean’s cheek glistened. cas’ dick did its thing.  

finally, dean gave up. “im uh. im.” he sat back on his haunches. “well shit im sucking cas’ dick, sam, any questions?”

sam shook his head very fast, blinking rapidly.

“maybe you should let us get back to it, then, sam,” cas says mildly.

sam kept blinking. Processing. buffering. the lag hitting hard that day. dial up noises played in his ears.

he nodded. “ok” he said. “ok.”

he walked out of the library. he walked down the hall. He methodically locked himself in his room.

since then, sam Winchester has built himself an impressive collection of sound proof headphones. he has developed tunnel vision. His selective hearing is matched by none. he is a ghost of his own making. exiled to an island of his own domain. he is one with the world. living off the land.

one day cas mentions that dean has a nice penis. he turns to look at sam, alone on his little island bowling with coconuts, mischief in his eye.

“sam, you’ve seen dean’s penis multiple times. what do you think?”

maybe sam will go to space. space is probably nice this time of year.

 

**Author's Note:**

> the tenses are so fucked in this i've forgotten how to write past tense lol soz


End file.
